She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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