i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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