dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
