I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
