Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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