you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
