i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
