he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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