party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
