i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
