JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize