Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
