I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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