You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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