Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
