i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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