At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
