He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
