Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
