a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
