I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
