I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
