The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
