i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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