Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
