just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize