new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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