She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
