I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
