It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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