There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
