Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
3 2 1 whiskey
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
