mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
