Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
