so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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