I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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