We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize