you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
