The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
