i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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