marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
