hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
