I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize