Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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