someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
