I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I still have a little drunk in my system
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
