6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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