I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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