Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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