I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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