Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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