Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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