Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
