it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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