I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
not ubering you a puppy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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