sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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