I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
