I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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