People in love make me want to vomit
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
