The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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