Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
