This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
