Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
