never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
