Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
