its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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