I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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