my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
