There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
