She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
